Ten Things of Thankful – July 3rd!

Happy #1)

Man I do love my three-day weekends! This one went a little different from how they usually go. Often with three days, I fritter my time away and the next thing you know the weekend is over and I’ve accomplished less than I would on a regular weekend.

Happy #2)

My power-washer is acting up a bit, but I did get two sides of the house clean and sprayed for spiders. I am a bit sadistic when it comes to spiders, because there is nothing I love more than watching them fall from their hiding places and die. It has something to do with my endless battle to clean spider shit from everything that is outside.

Happy #3)

My youngest finally has a job! Not a great job, but it’s a job. Hopefully after the long period of unreliable income, he will be better about saving and get himself some wheels.

Happy #4)

I spent a ton of time on my hands and knees this weekend working on my deck. I scrubbed it, sanded it and stained it.

Deck Stained Black

Happy #5)

The stain came at significant savings. I was going to have it mixed to that color, but on a whim I checked the mis-tint shelf first. Lo and behold, someone else had second thoughts about the color and I was able to pick up 2 liters (almost gallons? – the big cans) for just $20 each.

Happy #6)

I have thought about staining my deck for at least a year, maybe two. This spring I was thinking about it even harder. I’m so happy I finally pulled the trigger on this project.

Happy #7)

I spent yesterday afternoon and evening debating whether to sand or not sand. This morning while I was sitting outside in my pajamas (I lie, I sleep in yoga pants and a t-shirt) drinking my coffee, I picked up the palm sander and started to sand. Like most jobs, the anticipation was far worse than actually doing the job.

Happy #8)

Showering and dressing after it was all done. In all honesty and a bit of eeuw, spending an entire day outside and active with my un-showered self was a bit much.

Happy #9)

Looking forward to finishing that last bit that’s in front of the other door. I felt it was wise to not restrict the use of both doors at the same time, so that’s why that one last bit isn’t done yet.

Happy #10)

I doubt my usual Sunday night insomnia will be a problem tonight. I expect I’ll be sound asleep in no time.

Linking up to Ten Things of Thankful later than usual this week, so it might take a couple of days to get around to read everyone’s posts!

 

”Ten

 

Ten Things of Thankful, June 24th

It’s hard to believe another month is nearly gone! Next Friday we celebrate Canada Day here and over in the US I’m guessing you’ll be celebrating July 4th. It’s interesting to me how much more is made of July 4th in the US than us Canadians tend to make of Canada Day. Maybe we need to work on that here.

Happy #1)

Most of the garden centers in my area will be soon closing for the season. While I’m hopeful they’ve all had fantastic spring sales, I’m not going to miss the constant temptation they offer. I’ve already made and filled one new garden this year and judging by the number of unplanted plants still here, I think I’ll be starting another one.

Happy #2)

After cataloguing all of my new this year plants, along with some of the ones from last year, I do believe I’ve almost got a workable plan to get everything planted. Right now, I’ve got hardy hibiscus where they will end up blocking walkways and the color scheme is lacking something. It’s tricky to pull together a garden plan when a good part of it is sample plants for a few reasons.

  • The perennials come in singles, which usually gardens look nicer when there are multiples of each plant.
  • They aren’t colors I would necessarily choose. Usually they are all pinks and lavenders, I prefer strong colors heavy to the reds, oranges and yellows.
  • They aren’t selected for my heavily shaded yard.
  • There are always petunias in there, always! Petunias are not one of my favorite plants to grow, they usually poop out on me by mid-summer.

I have no idea what I’m going to do next year, I guess I better hurry up and get the back yard berm and dry creek bed ready. Although that won’t help much with any full-sun perennial samples I happen to get.

Happy #3)

Two weekends ago, I spent the entire weekend building a little garden fence to help keep the dogs out of my plants.

After pounding post inIt was a complete failure.

Fretwork Garden FenceLast weekend I started over, and while there where still some issues, it did end up working out. Which is good, because I’ve got a clematis to plant that will need that little fence for support. I bought that after swearing up and down that I was not going to buy anymore plants. But seriously it was half price!

In the interests of shameless self-promotion – you can see how I made it over at Gardening In The Shade by clicking here.

Happy #4)

Gardening In The Shade – I think I’ve finally hit my blogging stride with the new site. I have so many ideas rolling around in my head for over there that I think I’ll still be going on those ideas when next years gardening season rolls around!

Happy #5)

Succulent Turtle (2)

I made this adorable turtle topiary this week. I just love how he turned out and can’t wait to see how he looks as his shell starts to fill in. Ahem, a little more self-promotion – you can see how I made him over here. Honestly, you would not believe how easy it was to make that turtle. I call him Fred, and his mate is on my work table waiting for some finishing touches. I accidentally broke one of her legs, so I need to find another one.

Happy #6)

There were maple keys this year, but after last year’s bumper crop they were barely noticed. Of course where one thing is taken away, another is given. This year we’ve received a very generous helping of Mayflies!

Patio Door Screen covered in May FliesWhen I woke up Thursday morning, there were so many Mayflies on the front of my house, it looked as if it had grown bark.

Happy #7)

Mayflies are stinky, but way too big to fly in noses and eyes. They also don’t bite or sting.

Happy #8)

This is the time of year I bought a power washer for, and believe me once those mayflies are done for the season, I will be hauling it out to clean up the mess. Before power washers became attainable for home owners, I used to have to scrub all the siding by hand every year with a brush on an extension pole. It was a two day job and I don’t miss it at all now that I can do the same in a few hours with the power washer.

As a benefit there is just something about using a power washer that makes me feel like a bad ass. Except for when the pull start refuses to co-operate with me. Then I just get pissy and go mope somewhere.

Happy #9)

I’m so happy to have outdoor projects this year. Last spring I started out strong on the outside stuff and then had the wind knocked out of my sails with the neighbor issues. That’s not going to happen this year, I refuse to let it happen.

Happy #10)

That three-day weekend coming up and the four-day week before it.

So what are you thankful for this week?

”Ten

Ten Things of Thankful, June 5th!

How amazing is it that it’s already June?

Happy #1)

Air conditioning for when it’s needed and lots of big windows with good screens for when it isn’t. The weather this week was a bit up and down, a couple of hot, humid still days when I am so grateful I have air conditioning. I grew up without it and at that time there were more households without it than there were with. Today though it’s off, we’ve got nice gusty door slamming breezes happening.

Happy #2)

Did I mention my neighbor from hell has his house up for sale?

Happy #3)

Silly dogs. Louie is a bit of an odd one, with a nose that’s usually dry and sometimes gets so chapped we have to intervene. The only chapsticks I could find were fruity scented ones so there was a brief frenzy of two dogs licking the same nose.

Happy #4)

A new wheelbarrow. My previous one gasped it’s last on a project my oldest was working on last year. With father’s day right around the corner (Dad’s may be hard to buy for, but the sales around their holiday are for way more useful things than the stuff on sale for Mother’s Day.) I managed to get one on sale. Wheelbarrows are not cheap.

Happy #5)

Visits with friends. It’s a simple pleasure, but one I had almost completely abandoned back in the days of the Twat. Now I can almost count on seeing my friends for a gossip and tea every Saturday.

Happy #6)

Two Chairs on a DeckEvenings sitting on my deck. I can’t see the lake from there anymore, but I can still hear the gentle hush of waves coming to shore. I sit out there with my phone and kindle app, but usually I spend more time with my own thoughts than I do reading. It ends up with fewer cigarettes smoked indoors – if only I could come up with a way to make part of the deck covered and screened so I could get even more use from it. A project to think about.

Happy #7)

2016-05-28 17.15.11 2016-06-03 12.33.46 2016-06-03 12.33.55All of my planters are filling in. I’m so happy with the plant choices I’ve made. Next week I have a new garden bed in the works, the grass is already killed off and waiting for a fresh layer of compost.

Happy #8)

Plans, plans and more plans! I’m not sure how many will reach fruition this year but it’s still exciting to have those plans. I’m thinking of a dry creek bed to manage surface water from my neigbor and hopefully divert it around the house. I’m also dreaming of a small potting shed to handle all things garden related and free up some space in our storage shed. It would be lovely to cover a portion of my deck too, even better if I can screen it in too.

Happy #9)

cement barricade with dead end checker-board signFreedom from the anxiety and stress of last summer. It’s also nice that the barricade is moved over against the troublemakers property, so we have the extra parking we need again. It’s so nice to not have to shuffle vehicles around just to leave my driveway.

Happy #10)

Iced Coffee. I’m still not 100% certain the payoff is worth the mess of cold brewing coffee, but it’s nice to have something different and just a little bit special for a Sunday afternoon.

Ten Things of Thankful

Ten Things of Thankful, May 28th

So happy Memorial Day to all of you Americans out there, I will be thinking of you come Monday when I’m starting my work week.

Happy #1)

This one is huge! It’s so huge it could probably count as Happy 1 through 10. It’s enormous!

So remember my no-good horrible neighbor? The one that was causing me major anguish and torment last year?

He has a for-sale sign up on his house!!!!!! Oh happy happy day!

Currently one of my besties is in Cincinnati for a sporting event and says she’s going to party her ass off tonight in celebration.

Happy #2

After finding out I had missed the last two books in the Harry Potter series, I am happy to say that error has been fixed. Kids series or not, I’ve enjoyed them all.

Happy #3

Kindle Unlimited. If you haven’t heard of it it’s for books what Netflix is for movies. I pay $9.99 a month and get to read as many books as I want from the Unlimited catalogue. It’s awesome.

Happy #4

It’s finally warmed up here. Of course I’m not sure why it always has to go from ‘wearing fuzzy socks and running the furnace’ to ‘time to turn the A/C on’ overnight, but it happens that way nearly every year.

Happy #5

Did I mention the for sale sign next door?

Happy #6

This week I bathed both dogs. I am so happy my son taught them each to get in the tub on command. It can get a little confusing when they both try to hop in at the same time, but it sure saves my back when it’s bath time. Plus now I get to pet silky soft dogs again instead of smelly ones.

Happy #7

My d-bag of a neighbor has his house up for sale! Happy dance, happy dance!

Happy #8

I am making iced coffee today, even if I won’t get to drink it until tomorrow. Last year was my first time even drinking iced coffee because I always thought it would be gross like hot coffee gone cold. Only it wasn’t – gross or hot coffee gone cold. Apparently you have to ‘cold brew’ the coffee for iced coffee.

Coffee sludge

So I have this jar of sludge sitting on my counter for now, but tomorrow it will be all filtered and if the recipe is right, taste yummy with ice and a bit of sugar.

Happy #9

Free gravel with free delivery! So the way it works is if you need stone – roofing companies can be your best source. They get it when they’re working on flat-roofs and have to get rid of it somehow. As long as you aren’t using it for a driveway or whatever.

Happy #10

Finding inspiration and being able to string together sentences and paragraphs on my screen again.

Ten Things of Thankful, May 22nd.

Oh hey – another long weekend I get to enjoy! One of the many things I appreciate about no longer working in a pack house.

Happy #1)

Speaking of Pack Houses and the Vegetable Greenhouse Industry, there is a documentary out I would dearly love to see called “Migrant Dreams” by Min Sook Lee. I suspect that for a couple of months I worked with the Indonesian women featured in it.

Happy #2)

This – The shame of our disposable workers  – appeared in a Toronto paper. Even in best case scenarios, working conditions in these enormous food factories that our labor code calls “agricultural labor” are horrible. They’re horrible for all workers, not just the Temporary Foreign Workers, although they get the brunt of it. There is no limit to the hours per week worked, there are limits to break entitlements and it’s just a situation ripe for and rife with abuses by employers.

On one article I read a couple of years ago, a woman claimed that if she was provided with housing she would love to take one of those TFW positions. Little do people realize that some workers are housed in bunkhouses that are infested with bedbugs or otherwise simply not what we would consider livable. Bunkhouses are not hotel rooms, they are shared cooking and washroom facilities and rows and rows of bunk beds with only a curtain (if the worker is lucky) around the bed for privacy.

I know how badly employees in this industry are treated from personal experience, but I can’t say too much because of my current position. I want to see people fired up about how poorly our migrant workers are treated while they labor to put food on our tables, instead of blaming the migrant workers for everything they don’t have themselves. Of course I have been diligently avoiding reading the comments on these articles so I can retain some faith in our humanity.

Happy #3)

2016-05-20 20.40.14I have these Skechers shoes I bought right before I went to California. They are super comfortable – which is what I wanted – and they look as cute as sandals with capri’s and crop pants. Perfect for someone going in and out of greenhouses right?

Well as you can see, these are shoes that would look pretty stupid with socks, and after just 10 minutes of me wearing them without socks, my feet STINK so bad that I don’t even have to be sitting down to smell them. That’s right – I can smell them standing up. I wash these shoes, they come out of the washer and look great. Within an hour they’re full of foot funk again.

So I am happy they’re comfortable but wowza – there is nothing, absolutely nothing cute about the smell.

Happy #4)

Three day weekend – Whoo Hoo! Better yet? We get the off peak electricity rate for an extra day!

Happy #5)

Kathleen Wynne, our sorry excuse for a Premier, may have finally delivered the straw that broke the camel’s (or voter’s) back. Her government has proposed a plan that will see the Ontario Building Code outlawing natural gas furnaces by 2030 – it’s only 14 years away people! – and people are outraged! I’ve been aware of what they were going to do with our electricity rates since the days of Dalton McGinty, but somehow the Liberals convinced voters it wouldn’t really cost us that much and voters fell for the rainbows and unicorn glitter farts. People are finally seeing reality and it’s about time!

Happy #6)

Did I mention the 3 day weekend?

Happy #7)

I have all of my patio planters done for the summer. 2016-05-21 18.43.44 2016-05-21 18.42.37 2016-05-21 18.42.26 2016-05-21 18.42.18Now it’s on to the vegetable garden and the flower beds/landscaping.

Happy #8)

My oldest went camping for the weekend with his dad. He took his dog – Jackson with him. I love my son but sometimes when he leaves it’s like an enormous weight or a seriously black cloud has left my personal space. I will fully enjoy it while it lasts and be thankful for him when he returns.

Happy #9)

Kindle Unlimited! I’m not on good terms with my local library (something about late fines and a brand new Jeffery Deaver book my cat managed to cover in spaghetti with sauce) so this Kindle Unlimited subscription is wonderful. I’m getting way more out of that fee than I’ve ever gotten from my Netflix subscription.

Happy #10)

Realizing there are two books in the Harry Potter series that I had never read and that they are available through my Kindle Unlimited subscription!

 

Ten Things of Thankful

Bonus Happy #11)

It seems I buy domain names like some women buy shoes, but I’ve created a space just for my plant and garden posts. Best of both worlds because I will get to share more of what I learn and know through my job while keeping this space for the somewhat less professional things – like my experience with on-line dating that you can find here. Mind, the language is quite raw so read at your own risk.

Ten Things of Thankful – May 14th

Happy #1

It’s the middle of May already, even if at 10 Celsius (AKA 48), it isn’t feeling very spring like. But even though I’m still wearing my fuzzy socks around the house I’ve got my patio planters almost finished.

Fuzzy SocksHappy #2

2016-05-14 13.48.21The only thing my 4 matching planters need before they are complete is a bit more Tradescantia.

Tradescantia CuttingHappily it’s an easily propagated plant – these cuttings will root in no time. Fern after splittingThe 4 Kimberley ferns were actually a single massively root-bound plant until I peeled off the pot and sawed the root mass into quarters. Eleven dollars divided by 4 – only a couple bucks each!

Large Kimberley Fern Root-bound plant with pot peeled awayHappy #3

When I was shopping for plants, there were only 3 Rubber Fig available.

Rubber FigSince each of them had multiple stems in the pot I was able to split one up so I had a plant for each pot. This was the priciest plant I purchased – $3.99 each. I’ll be able to bring them indoors for the winter though, so as long as I don’t kill them they’ll be good for next year too.

Happy #4

Because of my job, I receive sample plants each year. One of this year’s treats were 3 of the Non Stop Mocca White begonia.

Non Stop Mocca WhiteI normally don’t choose white flowers (the spent blooms tend to look worse than other colors) but I adore Non Stop begonia. Getting the dark-leaved varieties was a bonus, because I knew I wanted to play with different colors of foliage and move away from the light (lime-green sweet potato vine, creeping jenny, etc.) into the darker side of things.Lysimachia - Creeping Jenny Gold

I also get to try out a couple of new plant varieties that aren’t offered to consumers until next spring, like this begonia below.

Funky - a new begonia variety for 2017Sadly some of the samples are petunias. I’ll give them my best effort, but I really don’t get enough sun anywhere in my yard for them to do their best.

Happy #5

Between the sample plants, splitting the large fern, and propagating what I can, the 4 planters for my deck will only cost me $23 each – including new pots. By planting my own I save money and because these planters aren’t as far along as they would if I bought finished (stuffed full of plants and calling your name in the garden center) they will be easier to keep watered.

Assorted Tropical PlantsEach planter has a Kimberley Fern, a Rubber Fig, a Helichrysum Silver Spike, a few Tradescantia, Polka Dot Plant and one single flowering plant – Non Stop Mocca White Begonia. I feel as if I’ve finally mastered foliage with flowers planters as opposed to flowers with foliage.

Happy #6

Side Bed reasonably weed freeMy side bed is relatively weed free and ready to plant soon with some Dragon Wing Begonia.

Dragon Wing BegoiniaHappy #7

Last year’s big efforts paid off this spring with a much easier start to the season.

Garden GhostsHaving those raised planters already built and filled made it easy to get the cool season vegetables sown early. It’s probably the first time in 25 years I’ve had my lettuce planted on time. I wish I had tagged the seeds I’ve already sown though, they’re sprouting now and I can’t remember what some of them are.

Happy #8

So far this year we’ve had fewer monsoons. When it rains we still get more of it and faster than normal, but not as much as last year. Last year we had so much of it that the yard had a bit of a poopy smell from rotting vegetation.

Happy #9

Because I haven’t had to spend very much money this year on the yard, maybe I’ll be able to look after some of the bigger projects on my list this summer. Things like bringing in gravel and possibly adding some dry-creek beds and rain gardens to help manage the water that runs into my yard from adjoining properties.

Happy #10

Rejoining the TToT community after a long while away.

 

 

Ten Things of Thankful

New Patio Pots – DIY or Buy?

Over the weekend I had a super ambitious plant to DIY my own fiberglass pots. I spent hours on Google, searching for how to’s (there are surprisingly few specific to making planters) and watching YouTube videos on how to fiberglass. I even bought the resin, fiberglass mat, and 2 cans of spray paint. Total cost?

Over $70!

And that would not have been the full cost, because I still needed some sort of frame work or mold to fiberglass over.

So I gave my head a shake and went to Wal-Mart. Where I bought four 20″ chocolate brown plastic planters for $9.96 each. At that price, I’m left to wonder if it was even worthwhile to spray paint my patio pots last year – a can of spray paint is $7.96. Spray Painted Patio Pots - FlakingSure it made my pots look great last year, but it only lasted for one season.

Old Grudges

Sometimes when I read a book, the most profound message I take from the author’s words is likely one that was never intended by the author. For me, My Sister’s Keeper by Jody Picoult was one of those books.

What struck me wasn’t that Anna Fitzgerald struggled with balancing her needs against the needs of her very sick sister Kate. It was that Jodi Picoult wrote about the very real human emotions we, or at least I,  struggle to bury every day while trying to be ‘good people’, because if an author understands that daily battle well enough to write about it, then surely people other than myself must face that struggle all the time.

At the time it was a revelation, something that said “okay, yeah you’re probably different from most people, but not completely alone”, because if she could write how I would think and feel in that situation, then other people must think and feel the way I do right? Still waters run deep and all that, so maybe other people are just better at hiding that part of themselves or perhaps they just don’t feel the need to lie awake at 3 am beating themselves up about it when they slip.

It’s human nature to toss out those little platitudes and quotes we all occasionally let drop from our mouths like dribbles from a cup we haven’t properly sealed our lip to. Ones about forgiving and forgetting and moving on. About being a happy successful adult who doesn’t hold a grudge. Hell you can’t go on the good ol’ Facebook without seeing a few of them written in a pretty font over top of a picture of some gorgeous woman that we all secretly want to be. Or is it just me that wants to be that beautiful woman with the lovely figure, because surely she’s got life figured out exactly right.

She probably isn’t holding a grudge about an office situation that happened at least five years ago or the ex that’s been an ex for long enough that he should only be a distant memory. She would probably only have fond memories of her time with that same ex because she’s got life down pat and she’s figured out the key to happiness ever after right? Obviously she must because a beautiful outside has never hidden a rotten core in the history of humanity.

Yet time and time again, no matter how many soothing layers I lay over my own toxic memories and past grudges, they come bubbling up and out of my mouth. Bitter words like acid that make me burn with shame. The type of words usually delivered with a smirk and a wink because the enemy of my enemy is obviously my friend, so ‘wink wink’ are you my friend?

In the dead of night, my conscience reminds me that those words that slipped past my lips said more about me than my former co-worker or past lover, and none of it was good. At 3 am it’s easy to pledge I’ll do better and be better while trying to lay down another layer of ‘good people don’t’ in hopes of containing the sludge I still struggle to neutralize. Yet somehow as soon as I’m around other people for longer than five minutes here it comes, spewing out like a soda belch that shatters any good impressions I might have made instead.

Someday I may get the hang of letting my grudges go, for now I would settle for getting better at keeping them hidden.

On-Line Dating, Soy Sauce and Travel

Right around Christmas, I had this brilliant idea to try on-line dating. Not that I’m even sure I want a man underfoot, but you know someday these boys of mine will want to leave the nest and when that happens maybe I’ll regret my singledom.

I’m not sure how hot a woman has to be to get a viable date offer on an on-line dating site, but apparently I’m a long way from that hot. My most notable offer was from a fellow who had no teeth, no job, no vehicle and thought I should be honored to drive to where he was and leap on his magic swizzle stick.

Ladies I saw the hair on that man’s head, and even with all of his other fine qualities, there is no way in hell I ever want to see the bush that would have come flying out of that man’s pants – or anything else that was in his pants. We’re talking Beetlejuice look-alike, with fewer conversation skills.

So I’ve spent the past three months or so wallowing in books while reveling in singledom and never hearing a man wonder why my dishes aren’t done or there are two or four loads of laundry piled on a chair waiting for me to fold them, or better yet, someone to just wear them so I can skip the folding all together.

But now it’s time to quit wallowing because this weekend I’m off to California for a week. Which means I’ve gone from zero to full on panic mode. Actually it started Saturday with a shopping trip for suitable clothing. Monday was shopping for food that could be ready and stored in single serving containers for my boys to eat while I’m away.

I spent at least ten minutes trying to remember which soy sauce I had at home. The one I don’t like and was waiting to use up, but then decided soy sauce isn’t that freaking expensive so why use up soy sauce I don’t like when the store has soy sauce I do like. Happily the soy sauce I bought wasn’t the same soy sauce I had at home and don’t like so we’re good.

Tuesday was the night to make two pans of lasagna, fried rice and honey garlic chicken. I won’t be able to serve fried rice before September once they’ve spent a week eating it, but that’s life. Lasagna of course is no issue, up until recently both of my boys thought that was only served for Christmas Eve.

That just leaves giving myself a pedicure, shaving my legs, packing, reserving parking, and making sure there are enough provisions left behind for the boys while I’m away while obsessing about night wear and hot flashes and wondering if the hotels have laundry facilities.

I Won’t Be Grateful For Less, Because I Deserve More

I’ve written about the bitter taste of grateful before, and I don’t mean it to sound as if I don’t appreciate the many blessings in my life, because I do. One thing I don’t appreciate though? Men who think I should be grateful for their attention.

So here’s the thing, I’m raising two young men. I have an awesome father who loves and appreciates my mother every day. I have Uncles who do the same with their wives. Because of these fine and wonderful men, I try so very hard to never fall into the habit of judging all men by the actions of a few. But you guys who think you can offer to ‘service’ a woman like she’s a cow in the field and you’re the only bull in sight? You guys suck. You want to know why you suck? You suck because…

I. Have. Value.

I have raised two fine young men – in spite of their father and his own demons – I have raised them mostly on my own. I am one mother of many who have done the same and created men without the man who should have shown them by example how to be men. Both of my boys have held part-time jobs from 15 on. Both of them buy their own clothes and pay their own phone bills – since they were 15.

While neither of them have chosen to go to college or university they are fine. My youngest may still be finding his way, but my oldest? He bought his own fucking house at 22. I did that. I took them from infants, through boyhood and grew them into men any mother or father would be proud of. I taught them how to care for the ones they love and respect themselves. And when it was all said and done? I encouraged my boys to let go of the past and develop an adult relationship with their father.

I own my own damned house. I pay the mortgage from money I earn and it will be mine free and clear in less than 5 years. I pay for the upkeep. I change the filters in my own damned furnace and when the tap leaks I fucking fix it. I’ve paid for every single window in this house and the siding too. I made it comfortable before I even thought to make it pretty. I know every single quirk and flaw in my home. I paid for every fucking screw and I know where they’re buried too.

I spent the week before my 45th birthday fixing my car so it would pass emissions. I spent the time to figure out what I needed to do. I called around for parts and then used my own damn tools to fix it. I fixed my own motherfucking car!

I crocheted two fucking hats over the New Years holidays while you sat at home jerking off to porn and crying into your beer. Two hats big enough to fit my fat head. You want to know why my head is fat? It’s fat because I’m fucking smart. I read science articles for fun while you’re jerking off into a sock.

I spent my Friday evening making home-made pizza that was to die for. I made a kick-ass meal for my family that didn’t cost me $50 on top of a full week of kick ass dinners that my guys were grateful for. On Saturday I made chicken soup with home-made egg noodles. On Sunday I made my own sourdough bread. And doing all that satisfied me in a way your offer to ‘service’ my needs never will.

Tomorrow? I’ll wake up and make sure my boys are off to their jobs with good lunches. I’ll pay bills with money I earned and I’ll do my job. At the end of the day, I’ll serve another kick ass satisfying meal. And while I’m doing all that…

I. Will. Be. Grateful.

Because there are so very many things in my life I am grateful for.

  • I’m grateful to have raised two healthy young men.
  • I’m grateful they are finding their way through life.
  • I’m grateful both of my parents are alive, healthy and still so very much in love with each other.
  • I’m grateful for the job I have and that so far I’ve never faced the trauma of unemployment.
  • I’m grateful for the roof over my head, the food in my fridge and the clothes on my back.
  • I’m grateful for my health and physical well-being.

I. Will. Not. Be. Grateful….

When some man decides I must be desperate and offers to ‘service’ my needs. I have a handheld shower that knows exactly what I like and doesn’t give a flying fuck when I last shaved my legs. And while we’re on the topic of shaving legs? If I peel myself up off of my sofa and shave my legs for you? You had better be capable of carrying a god damned conversation beyond what your favorite sex position is.

When some man is willing to ‘let’ me sleep with him, love his children like they are my own, cook, clean and grocery shop for him, and do all of that while trying to maintain my own home and family? That’s work asshole and I deserve to get as much as I give because what I’m giving has value. You don’t want a relationship but you want all the comforts of a wife? Hey, I want to win the lotto jackpot, but life is never that easy and neither is any partnership worth having. I deserve someone who is willing to give as much as he receives – without keeping score.

And while we’re on the topic of keeping score? Sex is mutual motherfucker. You want to keep track of how many BJ’s you get and how many days since the last one? Well you go right ahead because I know how to count too, and when I keep score? I don’t track the how, I track who made it to the finish line and how often. So far the only 1 for 1 relationship I’ve ever had is with that hand-held shower, so do you really want to go there?

You don’t want a relationship? You want to be ‘friends’ only, but friends with benefits? Well guess what? I am a grown ass woman who doesn’t always expect love from chemistry, but you need to be a fucking friend before you get the benefits. You want easy gratification without an ounce of effort – google your favorite flavor of porn and find yourself a sock.

Like 99% of the population, I am neither astonishingly beautiful nor am I repulsively ugly. I am average and being average does not make me unworthy. I have earned every ounce of respect and admiration I demand. Whether by my hand or by my will, I have created my own path and I have traveled it on my own two feet while carrying my own burdens.

I have value and if you don’t want to know or appreciate my value then just walk on by, because …

I Won’t Be Grateful For Less Than I Deserve.